Confession from 傻瓜

Didn't write blog for a long time... Suddenly feel like to update it so I make up a decision to express my feeling within these few months into a simple note... Someone convinced me to accept the other people's love since she knows that I'm having interest on her... This sounds ridiculous for me because I know she had the same feeling to me. What is the obstacle that stands between us and separating us from attach to each other? I would like to reveal the answer, that's what we being heard for decades and been usual to it's meaning hidden in it, TIMING... Despite of feeling, environment, situation and characteristic matter, TIMING separated us to two edges, atmosphere and Earth core... I had grown older ad older but I'm still feel hopeless in front of loving matter... I mean, this kind of matter... I'm unable to confront her to have faith on me, it's my failure... Recently, I'm having hard feeling all the time... because I'm scare of her leave... More than just scare, it's terrifying... It's hard to find someone having all the condition that meet up my expectation... and she, just she, required all of it... She's unlike the other girls, her taste and characteristic are totally unique. She just exist in my life, like a gift from God... An unreplaceable gift ever in my life before... Fall in love on her might be a mistake and maybe I'm a moron like she said... but I would like to try out my luck... I have faith on her... I believe that I can make her feel touch by my expression of love and care to her. I hope I can be the last stand besides her... This is the first time and might be the last time for me to strike so hard for a girl. For many time, I'm trying to fall in love to someone and this is first time I don't even have to force myself to express my love to someone... Furthermore, I make the first move all the time... Secretly, I found something related to her and I might know her move... but I'm not scare of getting hurt... It's because I really fall in love on her... She told me that I might get hurt and don't even know how to recover from it... I know, I really know... But I'm willing to get hurt, just because of her... The moment she read this article, she might had hurt me badly... but I hope she found her real happiness... I won't force her... I don't want to force my beloved to make any hard feeling decision... As long as I'm exist in her heart, I'll feel worth for everything I'd done. 小贝, I love you... No matter what kind of decision that you are going to make or what kind of damage you are going to inflict on me, I'll just receive it... As long as you are happy with your decision... If this is a endless story, I'll keep it as one piece of my memory for the rest of my life... If it's a happy ending, I'll promise you with my entire life that I'll treat you as my most precious treasure on the world and make you be the happiest woman on the world... Promise means promise, I wont take back my words...

心灵的启程

曾一度以为那时将会是我一生人之中最后一次为了心仪女生而豁出去...怎知道天有不测之风云，我跟她仍然无法在一起...对于她，我始终不是她心目中那位穿着白色西装服，驾着白色宝马的那位白马王子。她曾经告诉我，她梦见了我身穿白衣白裤，与我的双胞胎兄弟驾着白色宝马带她逃离恶灵的魔爪。哈哈...他不知道我听了之后有多么高兴...她在对面传来了疑问：“你做莫不讲话的？” 我当时已经被她的可爱所吸引着了...那是我无法在她的 FB 里感受到的...这是一种很真的感觉~ 她梦见了我！是我耶！我当时幸福惨了~ 但她当时就认为我不是个爱说话的人...我想告诉她说：“其实，是你的无心的举止感动了我的心灵。不是我没话说，而是我想听你再说多一点...因为多听一秒钟，感觉就多幸福一分钟...” 爱，就是这么简单...用心去体会那些我们原本能以耳眼鼻舌身来感觉到的，我们都会有不同的感受。听跟用心听有很大的差别...就像爱与用心去爱，两者之间有道很厚的墙隔绝着两方的真谛。爱，仅局限于做出一些爱一个人的表现~ 追求，企图拥有对方，然后与对方共度下半辈子；用心去爱，既是真爱，是希望对方能够变得更加幸福。两男正在拉扯着一位女生...一个男的是爱她，而另一个是用心地去爱她... 当时那女生喊痛时，那用心爱着她的男生放手了...女生说：“你根本就不爱我...为什么你当时放手了？为什么？” 男生说：“就是因为我太爱你了，所以在你感到疼痛时，我放手了...我放手并不是因为我不爱你，是因为我太爱你，所以我情愿放手，让你感觉好一些...”

我这个人从未谈过恋爱...我不知道要在什么时候做什么事来讨好女生，尤其是心爱的女生。我只知道当对方感到辛苦了，我就会放手...因为当我说要爱你时，我就已经决定不想再让你伤心了...哪怕是一丁点的不快乐，我都会觉得是我的错...因为你不快乐就决定不是你的错，不是你的错就当然是我的错咯~ 你是我所喜欢的类型，你知道吗？我一直在等着你，你又知道吗？我信息你了，想要找些话题来聊...但你始终都不回复我信息...我也失望透顶了...心碎了...

最近也有个不错的男生跟你走得很近...我觉得你对他应该也有意思吧？如果你们走在一起，我会祝福你们...你变得比以前成熟了...我很高兴因为感觉上你越来越了解爱情的真谛了...不知在哪一天你真的了解爱情的时候，你会不会转过身来找我？但我想告诉你的是：“也许那一天我会在同一个地方看着风景，但我身边的那一个属于你专属的位置也许已经被其他人占有了。” 我不知道那一天究竟会不会来...但我很确定现在的我，心里已经容不下除了你的女生...我虽然已打消了与你成为男女朋友的想法，但我仍然奢望这天的到来。 你在我心中有举足轻重的地位...有人说：“双鱼的爱是拿得起，但放不下的。” 我特别认同这一点...因为我就算怎么说放弃你，我心中仍然有你！就算我说了100遍，1000遍，10000遍都一样！

是时候让心灵踏上新的旅程了...重新出发~ 带着有你的回忆，让下一段恋爱火车走得更顺畅，更美好。但如果那人是你，那该会有多好啊~ 我如今不强求了，我也懂得怎样去更爱自己了... 得不到，就淡忘...也许下一个不是更好的，但我已经变得更好了。最后我想告诉你：“别因为爱而感到痛苦...因为会让你感到痛苦的，那不是爱。爱你，自然就不舍得让你感到痛苦。但一点激情，确实是一段恋情里的润滑剂。两个人在一起，难免要有争执。透过争吵，两人才会了解到自己在对方心里是多么的重要以及更了解对方的想法...”

我是时候开始启程了...开始找寻属于我的专属天使。这次，我会活得更精彩！！！=)

I'm back!

It's been a long time since the last time I post something in my blog page... Now, I'm back!

I encountered more than dozen of problem within these few months and I almost couldn't handle it because all the problems come to me in the same time and keep on stacking... It could be the best reason for my bad result of academic... Recently, I fell in love to a girl which looks ordinary for my friends around me. But for me, she was special by just being herself. I like her style, her way to show her true thoughts. She was believed to be a optimistic person and she likes to be in group rather than being alone all the time. Most of my friend "consulted" me and identify her personality to me... They say I could find the better one... But I think there's already a best one in front of me, why do I have to find another one? Love makes people blind, I do agree to it with a cross on my heart that I won't be regret to what I say right now.

Love is not about one person but one pair. I love her with all my spirit and soul but the situation turns out to be she's avoiding herself from me... She still not dare to open up the door of her heart and accept a new relationship. She already break up once and she do hope the next one will be her last one. I'd been done everything that I can and capable to do so for her... Now, everything that I can do is just waiting for her... While waiting, I'll still play my role as her guardian as much as possible... I hope everything will be fine for her... So I need to update everything about her everyday... But it do give me more factor to keep on living. =]

我的想法

近来一直听到：“你的想法呢？” Hmm.... 我就会觉得我当下的想法不重要，最重要的是我的想法要与你的想法对号入座，这才重要！既然你都已经有个明确的决定，那么为何还要强逼他人来做出你想要的决定？这是心灵上强逼他人做出决定的一种卑鄙方式吧？我很久没有骂人，我也几乎忘了如何去骂人...反正你也不值得让我去骂...我还不想这么快大三岁。我不说，是因为我了解到今日留一线，日后好相见的说辞。我看死这地方决定不会有进步，如果这腐败的想法继续蔓延下去... 事出必有因，决不会空穴来风。这地方不需要有很好心态的人，但需要有能接受他人想法，因此而为这地方做出改进的人。高层人士必须要付出比低层人士还要多的开销？请记在心里，我们只不过是个学生。你的想法，在公司里绝对受用... 但在大学里，请你衡量每人的能力，是否所有人都能接受。如果你们无法理解我的想法，我无所谓。只因为我不会强逼每人都成为我的跟随者。有人跟随你的感觉很好吗？对我而言，只有遇到正确的人，我才会带领他...因为他会经历与一般人不一样的生活。如果要我教导其他人所教导过的东西，那么我不如让其他人取代我算了...我只想要有一个平台，一个让所有人觉醒的平台。如果还有一丝希望，我会紧握着它。

喜欢上了你...

封锁已久的心房...必须将它打开了...想不到要忘却一个人需要这么久的时间...看来，我必须好好地选择自己的对象啊！要不然，时间一点一滴的逝去才后悔当初的决定，就一切都太迟了。

看着蓝天，突然感觉好想飞哦！如果我可以飞，那该有多好啊？我想飞得越远越好...即使是只能飞行一分钟也行...我想要感受疾风一般的快感，自由自在的飞越每一个国度，找寻我自己存在的真理。有没有另一半的陪伴已经不是重点了...如果有另一半的陪伴与我走遍全世界，当然会是最棒的...但我不希望她跟我一起吃苦...所以最后的决定权都在她的手上... 当然，这一切都必须等到我有能力时才执行...这也是我什么都学的原因...全都是为了克服将来会遇到的困难。

我现在又对另一位女生心动了。我无法否认双鱼座确实生性多情...但确实经一事，长一智...如今我已不再是两年前的我了....我不会再为一段无法展开的恋情而哭泣了....每个人都会成长...尤其是从痛苦中成长，觉悟，更是把这世界看得更加透彻...爱情确实是这世上最奇妙的东西，甚至说不上是个东西....爱情拥有幸福感但同时也具有破坏性...谁可以把爱情算得清清楚楚？爱情是没有方程式计算可言的。

如今，我喜欢上了一个女生...我从没与她出来游玩，但我已在脑海里做出了超过一百遍的模拟约会...想清楚到时发生了该做些什么来让对方留下一个美好的形象。我又在想...这样精心安排过后的情节会有浪漫性可言吗？放弃了一次又一次的“计划”，来让一切变得更加顺其自然...这就是我...我就是要让我的第一次是最特别的...最自然的...最浪漫的...初恋。

我已经无法再受到伤害了...我希望这次的选择不会再成为伤害...因为我已经想不出再被受伤害之后的我是什么模样...我会变成花花公子吗？我不知道...因为我不是神...我不知道未知数的明天准备了什么来迎接我的到来...

我希望你感觉到我对你的暧昧...对你的爱意...也希望你能给我机会，跟我在一起...因为我可以用一切来保证我与你在一起之后，绝不会再爱上其他女生。我...现在仍然还相信着真爱的存在....我喜欢上了你，这是个不变的事实~接下来，就看我这本故事书会有什么样的剧情变化吧！

First English Blog

This is my first English blog in my life... Sorry for using simple English due to my poor English language standard. Oh my God... This week is the worst week that i haven't had before... First is about the accident that happen at Elite Highway and I'm the driver... Driving speed exceed 120km/h and the car total lost after the collision with divider... additional 4 twist on the highway and stop in the middle of highway... The fact is that... nothing happened on me! Haha... I'm glad that I'm still alive... thanks god... My parents say this is a miracle... and considered as reborn... after the accident... i went to barber shop to have a haircut... Older people say by doing this will change my luck. (I don't believe in such thing but in order to let parents feel good, i do cut my hair become very short.. sad...) The time I'm twisting in the car, I feel so regret that I haven't do many things in my life... "I cant die right here!" That's what I'm thinking... at that moment. I make my first confession through sms after that... even though she rejected me, but I'll be her protector... with my own great will! I think the reason for her to reject me is that I had cheated her for a long time... in order to fulfill all the doubts in my mind. Now I'm open minded to love stuff... I'm still able to promise her many things right now but I can't guarantee anything will happen tomorrow that will change my mind... At least, now my heart is be with her... I'll learn to let go if she really ask me to do so... "before that, just let me be your angel... I will be the one who stay besides you when you need someone to talk to... Just promise me... Don't stay far away from me! I'm not one of the strangers that always pass by you in the campus... At least treat me as a FRIEND... OK?" Warm air flow through each cell on my body... Hmm... not bad... not bad... at least I'm feel better after wrote this Blog... :)

等待被爱

以前到现在，从来都没想过自己会堕入爱河...

有一个人告诉我说：

“别将“我爱你”，三个字看得太重。你拥有责任感

是你的优点，也是你最大的致命伤。”

我开始慢慢地了解他对我说的话了...

我的自以为是把我自己逼到了死角。

爱情看似复杂但事实上却简单无比..

她，对我到底有没有感觉呢？

我是不是符合到她理想中的男朋友的水准呢？

一个个的不肯定，造就了我内心里的恐慌，

我的内心果然还是在等待被爱

道出真言，果然痛快~痛快~ xD